


cautious thinking

by ktsushade



Category: BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, sayo is a big gay nerd
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-20
Updated: 2018-11-20
Packaged: 2019-08-26 14:38:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16683487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ktsushade/pseuds/ktsushade
Summary: Sayo has it bad for Tsugumi. She doesn't want to admit it, and she doesn't think she's ready for anything more than friendship. But Tsugumi always manages to make her think she is.





	cautious thinking

“Um…”

Sayo looked up from her mug, the piping hot latte topped with fresh cinnamon sending a whirlwind of smells that were perfect for the chilly weather outside. Standing at her table with a tray pressed close against her chest, and big, bright brown eyes full of anticipation was Tsugumi. Her fingers pushed against the bottom of the tray and her eyes were focused on Sayo’s cup, obvious in her hopes of their new fall drink being good.

 _Of course it will be_ , Sayo thought with a small chuckle. She briefly had a thought of tricking her, but the image of Tsugumi running to her parents with tears in her eyes brought a bitter taste to Sayo’s tongue. Instead, she decided to wash it away with her coffee.

And, oh _yes_ , was it good. She had watched Tsugumi’s back as she prepared it, shaky hands and slow yet steady movements making sure it was absolutely perfect, just for Sayo. The way she grinded the coffee beans, her posture taking on a much more confident form, warmed her belly and brought a small blush to her cheeks.

The cup was nearly empty by the time Sayo realized she had been musing far too long, and Tsugumi was still standing there, waiting for her review. Taking her final sip, Sayo placed the cup back onto the plate with a long sigh, the familiar aftertaste soothing her.

“It’s very delicious, Tsugumi-san,” she finally said after a moment. The way her eyes went wide, glazing over with happiness in a way that made her irises look like molten honey had Sayo’s heart racing. “I would hold back a bit on the cinnamon, but I enjoyed it. Thank you for asking me to taste it.”

Tsugumi, bright and cheery knowing she had mastered Sayo’s new favorite drink, nodded. “Of course! Thank you for taking the time to do this. I know how busy you must be…” With that, she looked down, her fingertips fiddling together on the tray. Sayo was used to this behavior, but never did it stop that pang of hurt watching Tsugumi struggle with her self-consciousness.

“If I didn’t enjoy coming here or talking with you I wouldn’t come as often,” she said, trying her best to cheer the girl up. Sayo liked seeing Tsugumi with a smile.

And the one that appeared on her face, once again, had Sayo enjoy the feeling of being in love.

* * *

 Hikawa Sayo didn’t think of herself as shameless.

Slightly immature at heart yet serious to her core, but never once had she allowed herself to fall for such… indecent thoughts. Beside Hina, her head was a nesting ground for bitter thoughts, self-deprecating words and hateful feelings. Beside Yukina, Sayo focused on her instructions, clearing her head to make sure she understood everything the leader of her band wanted from her and making certain everyone else followed suit.

Beside Hazawa Tsugumi…

Sayo knew she was a bumbling mess, a whirlwind of emotion and happiness and _smiles_ . She couldn’t remember the last time she smiled at Hina, or even with Roselia, yet every moment she spent staring at Tsugumi, Sayo couldn’t ignore the tugs pulling her lips up into a smile. The more they interacted, the more Sayo recognized the feeling in her chest and how it pained her to leave the Hazawa Cafe, the more she couldn’t help seeing Tsugumi in a different light. They were friends, first and foremost, and she would respect the line between that and something more intimate― but there were moments, such as _this_ , when her mind would wander.

Wishing there _was_ something more.

“Do you think we’ll cover something as cool as this, Lisa-nee?”

Ako spun her drumsticks with her fingers as they stared at the new poster on the wall of CiRCLE. At least, she tried to. She fumbled with them until they clattered on the floor of the studio, prompting her to wince and immediately look over at their guitarist, ready to hear a lecture about how she _must take absolute care of her tools to produce the best sounds_ ―

Only to see she hadn’t moved even a centimeter.

Lisa, oblivious to the frozen girl standing next to her, hummed. “Well, we do some pretty good covers already, right? We’ve never done photoshoots like this though. Ahh, looks so fun~ Himari-chan looks so different~ I love the uniforms.”

She stepped away to begin tuning her bass, and only then did she finally realize Sayo still had yet to move her head away from the wall displaying Afterglow’s new single. While Lisa couldn’t exactly blame anyone for being speechless ― the girls were in (fitting) attire they had never seen them in before ― to see _Sayo_ of all people stare so intently was… _strange_.

In Sayo’s eyes, all she could see was midriff, and a cute skirt, shorter than every other member’s. Long, pale legs… and a facial expression she didn’t think _Hazawa Tsugumi_ could make. Her eyes, softly staring back at her, were almost beckoning Sayo to slip into the poster itself.

To feel that exposed skin, maybe...

Her cheeks reddened, but as much as she wanted to look away, Tsugumi’s honey-glazed eyes kept her under a spell Sayo wasn’t sure she wanted out of.

Until, at least, a hand touched her shoulder. Lisa’s smile, all-knowing… _all-too-knowing_ , snapped Sayo back into reality. She didn’t bother hiding her face as their drummer looked confused and a little concerned about what was going on, oblivious to the flush that was starting to overcome their usually stoic guitarist.

Once everyone was in the studio and they got into practice, Sayo was able to clear her head and focus on practicing the chords that were giving her trouble. She stumbled on a fairly tricky part, Yukina gave advice and they would start from the beginning.

Every time she would feel angry that she yet again couldn’t get it right, or start messing up on much easier parts in her frustration, Sayo would look up to the corner of the room and feel at ease again. It made her feel like a child who needed a plush toy to sleep. But seeing Tsugumi’s face, soft eyes staring right at her, wiped any anger she would have let spill and lashed out at her bandmates.

“You’ve got it bad, hm~” Lisa teased during their break. Sayo nearly spat out her drink, but managed to swallow just in time to glare at her. “You remind me a lot of how I use to look at… Y-Yukina…”

Despite her confidence, Lisa sputtered like a dying car, eventually letting her voice die out while a blush spread from her neck to her ears. Sayo was well aware of the feelings Lisa held for Yukina. They went unrequited as far as she knew, considering Lisa never acted on them. She was glad to have a confidant in her; Lisa was a tease and liked being nosy, but she would never reveal someone’s personal matters in front of uninvolved parties.

For that, she liked Lisa a lot.

“I’m sorry, Imai-san,” Sayo blurted. “I really shouldn’t be letting such emotions get in the way of my performance.”

“Ahh, stop it~ You can’t help how you feel, Sayo!” She forced herself into Sayo’s personal space to wrap an arm around her waist with a hearty sigh. “You haven’t yelled at us even once, and I messed up a lot too!”

Uncomfortable, but enjoying the friendly intimacy, Sayo couldn’t help but crack a tiny smile. “Besides, if that’s how you get with a _poster_ of Tsugumi being hot, imagine if the real thing were here!”

Sayo’s smile fell flat; she could imagine not even being able to lift her guitar, much less focus on playing when such an adorable presence was in the same room with them. “I would rather not, thanks.”

“So are you planning on confessing?” Another curveball, but while Sayo had an answer she wanted to say already prepared in her head, actually expressing it ― or even acting on it ― wasn’t something she was even sure of.

“I don’t know,” was all she said. Lisa raised an eyebrow, keeping an eye on the door. “While it would be nice to confess and have my feelings reciprocated, I also would like to not bother her with them.”

The silence that followed wasn’t awkward, but Sayo could tell Lisa was having a hard time following. She wasn’t even sure of what she wanted herself, letting the thoughts run rampant in the open to _Lisa_ of all people was making it even harder to piece her thoughts together. “I suppose it would be easier to get it over with should I be rejected, but what I have with Hazawa-san is…”

Their friendship was still so new, just barely beginning to sprout. Sayo had just learned to drop her habit of addressing her so formally, and still did so with other people around. Likewise, Tsugumi was still very shy and reserved about speaking up and often needed a little push to be open around Sayo. While she was sure of her romantic feelings (reading multiple articles covered with terms only Lisa would understand every night helped) and could only describe the swell of her heart whenever she looked at Tsugumi to be nothing but love, the two of them were still so _new_ at interacting ― adding such feelings would only make things awkward between them.

“I treasure our friendship, very much.” She closed her eyes, feeling the tight hold on her shoulders loosen up. “Hazawa-san is a precious friend, and I certainly wouldn’t want to ruin that by bringing selfish matters into it.”

She felt Lisa’s head touch her shoulder, the girl stretching her arms with a loud sigh of relief. Her large mane of hair made it hard for Sayo to see her face clearly, but if she could Sayo assumed there would be a familiar cat-like grin plastered on it. “You and I are so alike, Sayo, it’s crazy~” she sang. “I get where you’re coming from, I really do. When I… you know, realized I _liked_ her, it was like the world was crashing down on me, while I was on cloud nine.”

“We’ve been friends forever but this is just something I’d really rather take to the grave. It’s hard, since we’re together all the time, but I’ve never seen her once look at me the way you looked at that poster... Ahaha, listen to me rambling~” Lisa was always a supportive friend for the band, but Sayo knew better. Lisa, just like anyone else, had her own burdens to deal with, and likely nobody to share them with. After all, you can’t discuss your feelings with the person you have feelings for.

“Feel free to discuss what’s on your mind, if that will help any.”

Since when did _Sayo_ start caring so much?

Lisa opened her mouth, but at the same time the sound of the door being pushed open as Ako and Rinko arrived with snacks in their hands interrupted the conversation. Lisa hopped off one of the amps with a disappointed chuckle, but went right back to the energetic Lisa they knew almost instantly.

Promising Lisa they’d continue their private conversation through text, Sayo made her way home once practiced wrapped up for the evening. During the summer, the sun would be starting to set and blanketed the city in a vibrant orange. Now that they were approaching winter, everything took on a purple hue, and the sun was hidden away. The time hadn’t changed, but it still felt like Sayo was out far too late.

Her phone buzzed then, and thinking it was Lisa already wanting to chat, her eyebrows rose, finding a familiar name on the screen.

“This is Sayo,” she said cautiously. Although it was just Tsugumi, she had only called once to make sure Sayo had her number. There was a brief pause on the other end before a long sigh hit the receiver.

“Oh! S-Sayo-san…” Sayo could feel her lips rising― _she_ sounded surprised despite having been the one to dial her. “Um, well, I know you have practice but… I-I was wondering if you could stop by…?”

Her warm voice, nervous yet still so cute, was pleasing to Sayo’s ears. “Of course,” she coolly answered, turning around to head in the direction of the Hazawa Cafe. “Don’t worry about my schedule, practice just ended.”

Despite trying to keep her cool in front of her crush, Sayo couldn’t help but think back to that poster, of Tsugumi’s eyes watching her, face hidden in her arms like a teasing minx. Sayo could only liken it to a soft expression one would see first thing in the morning, having nothing else to do but gently lay their palm on Tsugumi’s cheek, feeling that smooth and warm skin, watching as her face melted into a loving calm―

“Sayo-san?”

  
“Y-yes…?”

Her hand pressed against her face as if it would suppress her luminescent skin. Sayo dropped the hand holding her phone and took a shaky breath. Then, before hanging up simply gasped, “I’ll be there soon.”

When had she gotten so indecent?

* * *

 

“Welcome!” Tsugumi’s father exclaimed from the counter. Sayo, having taking a little longer than usual due to a much needed breather, nodded at him in return and approached her usual table. “We just made a fresh batch of cheesecake if you would like some?”

“That would be wonderful.” Her eyes scanned the door leading into the kitchen, wondering where Tsugumi was. Though she enjoyed her parents, Sayo was much more comfortable speaking with their daughter. If only because speaking with the parents of the girl she constantly had such shameless thoughts of made her feel like they just _knew_ what was going on in her head.

The small plate was put on her table shortly after, but there was still no sign of Tsugumi. Worried, Sayo lifted her head. “Is… Tsugumi-san around?”

“She is! She just ran up to her room for a bit. You can head on up if you’d like?”

Sayo nearly choked on air, but waved her hands about in an exaggerated effort to decline. “It’s alright, I can wait for her down here.”

She busied herself with the cheesecake, now cool enough to eat. It had a faint lemon scent, but it wasn’t overpowering, and complimented the sweetness very well. Sayo was sure then: the Hazawa family were somehow blessed by some kind of deity to be given such a talent for pastries. She was sure she could try and recreate it, but there was no guarantee of it being edible.

Just as she set down her fork, she heard Tsugumi hurrying down the stairs, apron fluttering about her waist and voice calling out, “Sorry! I _thought_ there was something wrong with my shirt…!”

Her father laughed, keeping himself busy with preparing some other treats while she made her way over to Sayo’s table. The way her face melted into a sweet smile once she realized Sayo’s full attention was on her made Sayo’s heart grow with…

 _Adoration_.

Tsugumi was far too cute for this world, Sayo decided. “Hello, Hazawa-san.”

“H-hello!” Tsugumi responded, wringing the ends of her apron in her fists. “Sorry to call you out here so late, especially after practice…”

“It’s no issue, really.” Tsugumi was far too kind, but also very self-conscious. That she would think Sayo thought her as a nuisance slightly hurt. “I would have gone to a chain restaurant for dinner anyway. That said, was there something specific you needed me for?”

She made her voice sound as friendly as she could, to let Tsugumi know she was glad to be around her. In response, Tsugumi resumed playing with her apron, eyes downcast and teeth nibbling on her bottom lip. She should have looked nervous, but Sayo could only focus on how utterly… cute she was.

Gods, but Sayo adored her so.

“W-well, I was wondering, if you’re… not busy… then we could, go to, um…”

Sayo’s mouth slowly dropped, but not enough to be noticeable as her mind began racing in a certain direction. That certain string of words was certainly not common― perhaps among friends, but to Sayo, who harbored certain more-than-friends feelings for this girl, those words gave her hope.

She waited patiently for Tsugumi to continue.

“Would you like to go to the aquarium with me this Sunday?!” Tsugumi yelled, shoving a pair of blue tickets into her face with no hesitation. Any harder and she likely would have smashed Sayo’s nose in. Blinking to process what was going on, Sayo stared at the words on the tickets before feeling a smile rise on her face. A dolphin exhibit, of course.

“With me?” she blurted. That certainly wasn’t the first thing on her mind, but knowing how close Tsugumi was with Afterglow, Sayo was sure they would have been the first on Tsugumi’s list to ask.

“Ehehe… well, the others aren’t really into this kind of stuff, and I didn’t want to go alone so― so I, um, thought of you…”

How Sayo loved her. She couldn’t help but smile. “Thank you, it does mean a lot to me. I’ll make sure my schedule is open so we may go. Where shall we meet up?”

“Oh! How about the station?”

“Perfect. We will meet at noon then.”

Sunday could not come fast enough, Sayo decided.

* * *

The rest of the week went by in a drag. Practice resumed as usual, now that the rather distracting poster had been replaced by another band’s upcoming single. Sayo and Lisa continued their private chats, although each reply came late due to their busy schedules.

Finally, it was Sunday. Sayo could still feel the pain in her fingertips from the previous night’s rehearsal, but it was just dull enough that she could ignore it. Standing before the entrance of the busy station, Sayo made sure to check her watch only to be reminded she arrived a whole twenty minutes early. She didn’t want to wait too long, but thinking Tsugumi might show up while she wasn’t there didn’t sit right with her at all.

“There you are!”

Luckily she didn’t need to use the restroom at that moment. It was like she had read in those cheesy paperback novels Rinko always recommended she check out of the library― except now Sayo understood.

Basking in the sunlight was a white sundress with a sheer fabric over the bottom portion littered in brown and yellow sunflowers, brown sandals, a light brown jacket and a cute white hairband keeping her hair out of the way. Although it was an outfit more suitable for the peaks of summer, it was still warm enough outside to be fitting.

And oh, did Tsugumi look good in it. Sayo looked down at her regular jeans and white blouse and immediately felt repulsed by how little thought was put into her outfit in comparison. Her necklace hung low, and she at least wore a bracelet to make her arms look a little less bare.

“Hello, Tsugumi-san,” Sayo greeted once Tsugumi was close enough. Seeing as they would need to change trains a few times, she turned toward entrance, nodding at the large clock on the wall. “Shall we get going?”

“Sure!”

Seeing as it was Sunday, Sayo wasn’t surprised to see the stations completely full of people coming and going, tourists stopping every so often to find their way through or teenagers moseying in large groups. The platforms were no better, and the two ended up standing at the door, crammed in between other strangers.

Normally this annoyed Sayo, and she hated riding the trains, but feeling Tsugumi’s arm against hers, warmth spreading across her skin, she couldn’t help but feel overjoyed. Eventually, as more people climbed in, the closer they got until Sayo’s back was pressing against the glass with Tsugumi’s head nearly buried into her chest.

_Are we sure we’re not in some novel…?_

She could see Tsugumi trying her best not to look up while craning her head as far as she could in the crowd. The way the train shook didn’t seem to help, but Sayo was hoping Tsugumi was thinking the same thing as her the longer she got a look at her beet red face.

_I hope this ride goes on just a little longer…_

“Sayo-san! Look, it’s a…”

Excitedly, Tsugumi ran over to the glass window to stare in awe at the dolphin casually floating up to the top of its tank. Sayo watched as the trainers threw in food and motioned something to the animal which it mimicked. Tsugumi’s laughter as it did was easily recognizable.

She didn’t have much interest in aquatic life, as often just ignored anything to do with the ocean as it wasn’t very interesting. But with Tsugumi’s excitement covering the both of them, Sayo was perfectly content with simply watching everything from afar. She occasionally asked a question or pointed to something Tsugumi might have missed, anything to reassure she was still around and actively interested in seeing Tsugumi being interested.

“Wow…” Tsugumi leaned against a railing to get a better look at one of the dolphins swimming underwater. Sayo was frankly stunned at how large the tanks and exhibits were for the animals. She had only been to the aquarium once in her life, when she was smaller, and she couldn’t recall it being as big as it was. Still, maneuvering around people and avoiding large crowds was made easier due to the large space, and Sayo was able to use their map to guide Tsugumi to the exhibits faster than the rest.

Giving them just a few minutes of alone time at each one before someone showed up.

“I wonder how deep it is…”

“Well, it says here the tank is roughly… forty-five feet deep?” Sayo joined Tsugumi in looking down, watching as the dolphin jumped out of the water to snatch a snack before diving back into the blue, droplets of water splashing onto their cheeks. “The glass surrounding it is also one and a half feet thick…”

Tsugumi’s open-mouthed expression as she listened to Sayo list facts ended up being a lot more enjoyable to watch than anything else. The way her eyes lit up and glazed over in excitement, her cheeks growing red with each splash and flip of the dolphins… Sayo was enamored with all of it.

_Calm down before you do something you might regret, Sayo._

Clearing her throat for the umpteenth time that day, Sayo looked down at the program. “Well, next we have the main dolphin show. Shall we head over to get good seats?”

“Sure!” Tsugumi hopped off the podium and loosely wrapped her arm around Sayo’s, causing the other girl to plant herself where she stood. “Sorry, Sayo-san. I’m just a little chilly is all.” Her head, pressed against Sayo’s supposedly warm arm, was lifted so she could give Sayo a shy smile, a small blush spreading across her cheeks making Sayo’s heart hammer even harder against her ribcage.

“M..mhm…”

Everything after seemed like a blur to Sayo. She remembered being dragged by Tsugumi into their seats, the sounds of cheering and Tsugumi squealing when it started, followed by being drenched when the dolphins jumped back into the water. With no sweater or towels anywhere, they were forced to buy some at the gift shop (for a price, thus Sayo offered to buy them).

Then they were sitting quietly at one of the statues near the entrance, dabbing at their clothes and hair that were wrinkled and chilly. Sayo’s hair began to frizz and her bangs had to be tucked behind her ear― except for the stubborn one ― while Tsugumi’s hair was flattened and beginning to curl at the ends.

“Sorry again, Sayo-san…” she began, with that same downcast tone in her voice. “I forgot to tell you about that part of the show… ahaha…”

“It’s alright, Tsugumi-san.” It was. Of course, only because it was Tsugumi she was with. She couldn’t say things would be the same if someone like Hina or Lisa had brought her there. “I’m more concerned about you. Are you cold?”

“No! I’m fine, really.”

She could see the goosebumps all over Tsugumi’s arm and parts of her legs as well as the small shivers she was trying to hide. Yet she was worried about _Sayo_? It didn’t sit well with her.

“I’ll be back,” she said, standing. Her socks were still wet and walking felt uncomfortable (the rash on her thighs wouldn’t be pretty later either) but she hurriedly made her way to the gift shop again, ignoring the looks of the other customers. They might have thought she looked silly, or disgusted that she would walk in soggy clothing― but Sayo ignored them all. After all, they were people she would likely never see again in her life.

“Here you go, and take another if you need it. Don’t get sick,” the clerk said with a small chuckle. Sayo nodded and thanked him, making her way back to the statue of three dolphins jumping through the ocean, where Tsugumi was ringing the ends of her dress and rubbing her arms.

“Tsugumi-san,” she said, letting her know she was back. “Here.”

Slowly, she wrapped a warm blanket around her before either could tell what was going on, but seeing as they were already there, Sayo decided to see it through and made sure the blanket was on tightly. Tsugumi let out a long sigh of relief. “You could have told me you were cold.”

Blushing, Tsugumi wrapped herself further into the blanket, hiding half of her face. “Sorry, I just… didn’t want you to worry…” her muffled voice was hard to hear, but the words were crystal clear.

“Nonsense. I wouldn’t want you getting sick.” Sayo threw her blanket around herself as well, the green and yellow much more noticeable compared to Tsugumi’s dark blue one. She felt Tsugumi rest her head on her shoulder but didn’t move or indicate she disliked it, prompting Tsugumi to scoot even closer. “How would the Hazawa cafe run without you? I’d be out of options.”

A small giggle, another inch closer. “Sorry, Sayo-san. I’m just really bad… at taking care of myself. I mean, I was hospitalized for overworking myself at school!”

Sayo knew the story, and although they still hadn’t met then, still wished she could have prevented Tsugumi from getting to that point. It was odd, how much more caring Sayo was of her, as if she were a doting mother.

 _But_ mother _isn’t quite what I want to be, is it…?_

“Please do take care of yourself,” she simply said, voice hushed underneath the sounds of waves and children laughing. They were hidden in a corner where not many people wandered― they couldn’t imagine anyone actually having an interest in the history of the mollusc. “I... do care about you, Tsugumi-san…”

She heard the soft gasp but didn’t dare look down in fear of what she would see. But didn’t friends say things like this often? Lisa would say it to Yukina all the time.

A soft prod and Tsugumi’s warm hand slipped its way into Sayo’s cocoon―

So soft, so utterly different from Sayo’s calloused and rough hands. Her fingers were long, the perfect length for a pianist... and trying to pry their way in between Sayo’s.

“Is it okay…?” Tsugumi whispered. Finally, Sayo looked down, and found that stare― the honey-glazed, early morning, _intimate_ stare that should have only been reserved for that someone special in her life. Not _Hikawa Sayo_ ―

“It’s alright.”

Then Tsugumi snuggled even closer, and Sayo found herself leaning against Tsugumi as well, resting her cheek on Tsugumi’s cold hair with a content sigh. The silence that followed was comfortable.

Sayo wasn’t ready to confess, but she was sure Tsugumi was trying her best to make sure each encounter made her so much closer to getting there.


End file.
